An Ordinary Day. An Extraordinary God.

I stole the title.  I read it somewhere else, and loved it.  It speaks truth to my life. 

A beautiful day in Crown Point today.  The wind blew and the sun shined.  The temperature was perfect.  We planted potatoes.  The kids walked the trails.  The dogs chased squirrels.  Kids quarreled.  We ate breakfast.  We ate lunch.  Kenney came home and we opted for a simple dinner.  Nachos, fresh pineapple, and a last minute pinterest find of zucchini bites.  The adults in the family drank a glass of wine.  We sat at the table.  Tommy and Audrey were reminded to keep sitting.  We all took turns praying. (We actually fight about who gets to pray at the dinner table... ummm... something a bit wrong with that picture!)  Noah had to be reminded to stay focused.  Caleb had to be reminded to keep chewing.  Isabell had to be hand fed.  Tommy chatted on and on about the pet frog he wanted and his walk to Nana's house today. 

All the while Kenney and I talked about how excited we are to have friends coming to visit us.  We talked about what kind of dog we would like when it's time to get another dog.  We talked about trips to the beach, about vacations.  We chatted about our favorite places to eat.  We talked about school for the kids. 

I decided I needed some things from Home Depot and we cleared the table and at 7pm made a trip out with the family.

At the end of the day

the dishes are still in the sink

the laundry still waits to be put away


But tonight, Kenney and I sat and talked while the kids slept.  We enjoyed the evening.  We enjoyed the hustle and bustle of our gifts of children.  We enjoyed each other.  We both realized today, neither dishes or laundry were what mattered. 

In our ordinary day, God was glorified.  In our marriage, in our parenting, in our children - He was glorified.

Through all our mistakes, through the kids fighting, through every little detail of the day, God is still good.  He is always good.  He is always perfect.  He is always glorified.  There is nothing in my day that can not be used to bring Him glory. 

That is something to be excited about. 

These last months have been a challenge for us.  We have growing pains.  We are finding our groove.  Growing together.  Finding routine.   God is reminding us of our fallen state.  God is reminding us He is faithful.  Isabell's diagnosis of arthrogryposis has been a hit to us.  Letting go of expectations has been hard.  Satan seems to enjoy knocking at our door.  Kenney and I have had much learning and growing to do.  Each new change in our lives brings new characteristics to the surface. 

But tonight- we confess our sins.  We enjoy each other.  We enjoy our children.  We are thankful of the gifts God has given us. 

I am thankful that God knows what I need.  Even in my efforts to be realistic, and of sound mind, He knows what we need.  Isabell may never walk, may never be fully mobile.  And the sad truth is, had we known that ...  I can not say we would have made the choice that God obviously wanted us to make- because here she is, our daughter, by God's perfect plan. 

I rejoice in the fact that God is in control.  His plans for us are perfect, because God is good.

In our projects, busyness, medical diagnosis, events, and run around.  We have forgotten who God is.

He sent His son to die for our sins, because HE LOVED US.  (John 3:16)

He loved us so much, that even in our sin, in our busyness,in our forgetfulness, in our run around and medical diagnosis... in all of that... HE DIED FOR US.  (Romans 5:8)

I pray I remember today.  I remember the ordinary.  I remember the little things, the simple things.  I remember God is and can always be glorified regardless of the day, location, or circumstance.  I pray Kenney and I cling to that truth.  I pray we remember He loves us. 

I lost. Part 2 of 2

3:00 AM

I think since Audrey was born I have woke up every single day at three am.  I don't know why.  But strangely I have come to enjoy the time. (Obviously by making the previous statement I have confessed my insanity, and possibly might need to turn in my "normal" card.)

I pour a glass of water and usually stand at the back kitchen window and look outside.  It is always quiet. Everyone is sleeping. I find myself having conversations out loud.  I imagine that Jesus is standing next to me, or sitting in my favorite rocker, or sitting on the ledge of the island counter, dangling his feet and talking with me. (I know, I turned in my "normal" card a long time ago!)

The tune of a Frank Sinatra song is in my head.  "The Way You Look Tonight"  It was our wedding song.  I find myself smiling.

Some day, when I'm awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you
And the way you look tonight.
I remember picking the song and thinking that is exactly what I want.  I want to one day be able to look back and smile when I remember our wedding.

I am looking out my kitchen window smiling.  I start thinking about how much I love Kenney.  Which reminds me of my first love, Jesus. Which brings me back to my crappy day that I lost.

I think about things that one day, I will want to remember, and I will want to remember accurately.  As my dad says, "When we look back on things we tend to have revisionist history." (and that would be another dadism) We paint things a bit differently than they really were.  The only way to prevent that from happening is to write it down.  So, I write this story down to accurately remember.

Why remember?  I feel like one day someone, maybe my kids, my grandkids, someone, somewhere, will have a day like mine, and I will have the unique ability to share empathy.  I don't want to forget. So I write it down.

It was also important for me to write down yesterday exactly like yesterday was.  The day didn't get better, it didn't end good.  Why is that important?  Some days we loose.  Some days, my flesh takes over. Some days that little devil sitting on my shoulder, well, I befriend him.  I listen to his lies. 

I am still looking out the window and it's still dark, and I find myself going through the events of yesterday...with Jesus this time.

I realized no event in and of itself was bad or sinful. Not the person sharing about their life, not the kids spilling drinks, not the dishes in the sink, not the poop on the floor, the tick in the house, the kid running towards the street, even the little girl that says she hates me- NONE of those things were sin or sinful.

Why did those events bother me so much? Why did the day end in such a disaster? Why did I feel defeated? And if I am honest here, I will admit, days like yesterday, events like yesterday happen all the time in our house. I suck at laundry, since we were married and without any kids, I was always a couple days behind. I leave dishes in the sink all. the. time.  My kids spill something every day.  I live in the country in the woods and grass, we have ticks all the time. The annoying people are in my life, and always have been, and I talk to them all the time. The poop thing- for crying out loud, I have a kid that used to play with and eat his poop!

Then the thoughts come into my mind. It's crazy, like a giant hailstorm, thoughts, truth, God's truth hits me.

James 1:2-3 Consider it joy when you encounter trials, or fall into temptation. Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and patience.
Did I consider it joy?

John 10:4 When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice.  Did I hear His voice? Did I follow Him?

1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.  Did I take HIS way out, or did I listen to the whispers on my shoulder? God's word says he provided a way out for me... did I take it?

1 Thessalonians 5:18 In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Did I give thanks?

Habakkuk 3:17-19 Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vine, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights. Did I rejoice? Was I joyful? Regardless of my situation...

Proverbs 19:11 The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, and his glory is to overlook a transgression. Was I slow to anger? When I didn't hear the words I wanted to hear, did I overlook it?

1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient, Love is kind... Was I patient? Was I kind to my kids, my husband?

Psalm 34:13 Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from telling lies. I hate you... have I used those words before?

And I could keep going.  I could keep finding scripture after scripture that I disobeyed.

That is the point.  I needed a day like yesterday.  I needed to be reminded of my sin.  In just three short weeks, my mind started slipping.  I started thinking how "I" was able to handle things.  How "I" was doing so good with my five kids. "I" was pretty good at getting into a routine.  "I" was getting good at managing a schedule.  "I" had it all figured out.  Heck, "I" even got a couple of projects accomplished.

Can you imagine God in heaven? I imagine He would have said "Really Laura?" "YOU think you've got it together???" "YOU think these last couple of weeks that haven't been so bad are because of YOU???" "YOU think you've got it together???"   HA!!!

3:30 AM

I am sitting on the floor. I feel sick. I am so full of sin. I was so quick to forget all of HIS blessings.  I was so quick to give in to Satan. I failed without HIM.  I am a sinner.  As the apostle Paul writes.. Oh wretched man that I am. Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? (Romans 7:24)

Isn't it appropriate it's Good Friday? How fitting... I am a sinner. Christ is a great Savior.  Every sin I have committed, every sin I will commit, with Christ, there is no condemnation.  I claim Jesus as my savior, and the gates of hell will not prevail. Today is a day to be reminded of my great sin. To be reminded I deserve hell.  I deserve a fiery punishment.  I deserve death.  But, my Jesus loves me, even in my sin! The cross proves that.  His grace flows freely.

My awareness of my constant need for Him, is my greatest strength. My inadequacy presents me with a continual choice - deep dependence on HIM, or despair.  The emptiness I felt can be filled with either problems, or HIS presence.

While a day like yesterday presents many problems.  Some practical advice can be rendered- like getting more sleep, finding someone to help with the dishes or laundry, eating healthier, exercise, etc etc, it just isn't the point, and it isn't what I needed most.  I needed my first love. I needed to be brought to my knees.  I needed to be reminded of my sin. 

Praise God, He knows what I need!!  I needed to loose.

Great is Thy Faithfulness

In the month of February Kenney and I celebrate Valentine's Day on the 14th and our Wedding Anniversary on the 18th.


In Northwest Indiana February seems to be a bit of a dreary, cold, but not cold enough for ice skating and snow sports, no sun and a bit depressing of a month.


In an effort to cure the dullness of February and be thankful for what goodness abounds even in the month of February we celebrate those two events very specially!


We hang paper heart lights up and keep them lit all the time -

We put bright red and pink valentines on the mantel and decorate with snowflakes and glittery snowmen.

We always have a special valentines day dinner and eat on Kenney's Honey Grams pink flower dishes. We decorate the table and have a dinner of Kenney's choice.  This year it was New York strip steaks, with a rosemary and chive Gorgonzola crust, bacon wrapped asparagus, spinach and artichoke stuffed mushrooms, a spinach salad with all the kids favorites on top- bacon, cheese, crasins, and grape tomatoes, with a sweet poppy seed dressing, and for dessert Kenney's favorite French silk pie!

And to top it all off, we attended the wedding of my cousin on February 18th, and celebrated. Kenney even requested Bon Jovi's "Livin' on a Prayer" at the reception and we sang and danced and relived the memories. Kenney even air guitar-ed and slid across the dance floor. Audrey danced like it was her job. (I know I am in trouble when she is older.) Noah randomly found food left on tables and ate till he could literally eat no more, and Tommy found a table to cozy up under and fell asleep. Only of course after we spent a frantic five minutes looking for him and I was seconds away from pulling the mic from the DJ and calling for a complete search of the hall. 

Needless to say, we have decided to take the dullness of February and kick it in the butt! 


Most importantly for us though is the celebration of our marriage. We've been talking about what we've done in these six years, what the next six will be like, and what we've learned. While we are still mostly in the learning stages (aren't we all...) of our marriage more than the teaching stage, it seems we came away with two things that were most important for and to us.


First, that God is faithful. We chose the song as part of our wedding ceremony because of the rich truths it spoke to us. God had been individually and personally faithful in providing us a partner and spouse. God never changes, His compassion's they fail not, how He has been He always will be. For our wedding it was a sharp contrast and reminder of how we are NOT like Christ, we change, we fail, we lack in compassion. For us, it was a reminder that if we rely on ourselves in this marriage we will fail. But, if we rely on Christ our marriage will be blessed... and it has.
     

     "Great is Thy faithfulness," O God my Father,

There is no shadow of turning with Thee;

Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not

As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

Then, after our honeymoon period (which went by really, really fast) we realized quickly we have problems. Arguments with each other, problems with the kids, issues with money, issues with greed and un-thankfullness. We made some good decisions, but we also made some pretty stupid ones (umm two mortgages at the same time when we could barely afford one?  Ask my parents about the blacktopping the driveway fiasco- I think they still are mad about it) It was quite obvious that we needed a God who was merciful on a daily basis because we needed to bring our sin to Him and be forgiven...over and over again. We needed hope and we needed to be reminded that God was with us, and as His children HE was our guide, not ourselves.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,
Thy own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

And then as we ventured out on our adoption journeys, God began shaping us. He began showing us that what we thought we needed, well we just didn't. We are now on our 4th design plan for remodeling our house, and it seems each time God is telling us we just don't need more. We thought we needed what the marriage books said, special weekly date nights, or girls or boys night out. We thought we needed more babysitters for our kids- more alone time for ourselves. We thought we needed more friends and more people involved in our life. It seemed the world was telling us marriages fail, and we needed all of these things to "safeguard" our marriage. For Kenney and I, we realized God had given us what we needed.  He may use friends, or date nights, but it seemed that we were relying on the friends and date nights (or lack thereof) and freaking out when we didn't get what everyone else seemed to be getting. When we let God give us what we needed, when we saw our children as the blessing they were and are, when we put 100% of our trust in Him, we realized He did give us everything we needed.

"Great is Thy faithfulness!" "Great is Thy faithfulness!"
  Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided—
    "Great is Thy faithfulness," Lord, unto me!

That song pretty much sums up everything for us.  But, Kenney likes to play the "what if" game, so he asked if we could pick just one verse to meditate on for the year, if there was one verse to live out in our marriage what would it be?  I absolutly hate when he does this, I like the whole Bible, all the verses, but he tells me "the game" isn't played that way, so of course, I consent to pick a verse with him.  Funny thing, we seriously both chose the same verse! 

Philippians 2:3  Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.

Oh dear God, if we could truly live this verse out. If we could kindly spit in the face of the world and live NOT for ourselves. If we could ONLY think of each others needs.  If I could put aside myself. If I thought of my husband as better than myself, and let my actions show that, and he did that for me...I could only imagine the joy, the blessing, the glory of God that our marriage would reveal. If we died to ourselves daily, and lived our life with this verse in mind each and every single moment of every single day, what glory we could bring to our Father in heaven. This year that is the verse we will mediate on, heck I just might even frame it!

Things like THIS never happen...??

Wednesday night, way past my bed time, and I just can't fall asleep.  I was born a night owl, and it seems even 3 kids can't change that!  I decide that it would be a good idea to check the weather in both the cities our kiddos in China are at.  I might want to start thinking about packing, so to pack, I need to know the weather.

Finding that out leads me to wonder if I can find out about the "local" scene, you know the secret places everyone should visit, that no one knows about.  I decided to do random internet searches.  I'm just weird like that, typing in random words to see what pops up and what information I can find out about where my babies are from.

Somewhere among the zillion searches I did, I found a link to a yahoo group that is composed of people who have adopted, are adopting, associated with, etc the same city/province as Caleb is from.  Well of course I join the group.  Maybe to find some random pictures someone took and my baby is in the background, or maybe just to learn more about where Caleb is from.

I told them my name and Caleb's Chinese name, and said hello!

Hours later, I received an email from the DIRECTOR of Swallows Nest in Zhengzhou, with the question...

Is this your son?

 

That is my boy!  I emailed her back saying YES, YES, he is ours!!  She gave me her phone number and said she is actually in the States, so call to talk to her.  I have the phone number of the woman who is in charge of the care of my son, and she is American, and she speaks English.... at this point, I am so overwhelmed I am about ready to throw up! (either that or Kenney made pigs in a blanket for dinner, not quite sure which)


So we talked, and she told me about him, all about his hearing, who cares for him, his personality, etc.  Then she gave me the email of a lady doing an internship there, that cares for 6 of the kids, one of them being Caleb. Again, all within minutes, we are facebook friends and I am able to look through her photo albums, and see tons of beautiful pictures of my boy!  Then I find out she is a Christian, a real, Bible believing, John Piper-ish kind of Christian.  I see pictures of my boy being read the BIBLE!


She tells me to send all kinds of pictures of our family, she'll share them with Caleb, and get him ready for us to pick him up! She'll use lots of English too!  She said we can email her all the questions we have, and she'll do anything to answer us.  She even said that she has a very VERY special place in her heart for Caleb...


OVERWHELMED!


I can not tell you how crazy this is, every adoptive family wishes for a glimpse into their child's life that they can not be a part of, and here, I have a wide open picture window!


The best part is, I didn't pray for additional information, I didn't ask God for more information than we already had.  I have a couple of pictures and some medical information and that is it.  We were happy with that.  We were happy we had a 15 second video clip of Caleb.  It didn't bother us that we were never given updated information.  It didn't bother us that his medical information seemed so incomplete.  I can honestly say we really were at peace with our decision, and ready to face all the unknowns.  We kinda felt like Abraham.  In Hebrews it says , Abraham, by faith was called, and went out, not knowing where he was going.  So with our little boy, we didn't know where we were going, just that we were going!!!


God, in his perfect timing, infinite wisdom, His glorious self, choose to make known the unknowns for us.  Praise God!  

The difference between knowing and seeing- I've read verses in the Bible over and over, and I've quoted them, over and over, and used them over and over, but to have them be real.  To take root in my heart, so much so that they effect my life.... sadly it doesn't happen enough, but tonight, the verse, it became so real

Ephesians 3:20
Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us

and half a world away, a little boy sees his forever mommy and daddy for the first time