Tuesday, August 28, 2012

One Boy, One Picture and One God (part 2 of 2)

That's the picture that we all looked at.  This family fell in love with the cutest fuzzy haired boy. 

But, the events that have led up to where we are today, are nothing short of a miracle.  And we are overjoyed and forever changed to be a part of it.

We requested Caleb's file, however it was unavailable at the time, as another family was looking into adopting him, so we started looking at other children.  We found Isabell, locked in her file and started to proceed with the adoption.

Caleb's file was available again.  The family didn't proceed.

We decided to adopt two.

Only weeks before we were getting ready to leave for China, I just so happened to decide to look up the weather for Zhengzhou (where he is from) and got somehow re-routed to a yahoo group, found where he lived (in an awesome group home, not the local orphanage) found the director of the home, and within hours was on the phone with her.

If you don't know this story, feel free to catch up here.

She then gives me the information of a woman from the states, who just so happens to be doing an internship there, gives me her facebook info, we become friends, and start talking.

We hoped to somehow find time while in China to possibly meet up, and planned for a Tuesday.

Things happened, she couldn't get off of work due to a child dying. (if after reading that statement you don't want to cry, read it again)  She suggested maybe we meet on Wednesday, however we already had plans with our agency for that Wednesday.

While in China, originally our agency has planned on us seeing the local orphanage of the city where Caleb was from, however, something fell through the loops and we were unable to go.

Our guide/translator who is pretty much with us at all times, suggested we see a museum or something, so we planned on doing that with her.  But for whatever reason, last minute, decided it would be better to visit with the lady who took care of our son for the last 6 months.

Next thing we know, we are here.

And spending time with these kids:

We asked about each child.  Asked about their health and special needs.  Asked if anyone had inquired about them.  We asked lots and lots of questions. 

One little girl stood out, she looked tired and was quiet.  She spent much of her time in the corner away from almost everyone else, except when the kids got together to sing songs.  She loved to sing songs.  No one had inquired about her.  She had an untreated heart condition, that if NOT treated we were told she would die.  We were told, it should have already been treated, but she is an orphan, and the cost and the care in China is insurmountable.  So there she sat.  Dying.  No mommy to tuck her in and sing her songs.  Dying.  No daddy to tell her she is loved and adored. Dying.

Kenney and I spent the rest of the entire day talking about her and her friend (next to her in the above picture) We already had Caleb, and we would be picking up Isabell soon, and two is the limit for adopting at one time within a year or two period. We wondered if somehow we could go back and get her.  We knew in our hearts it wasn't an option.  But, she was dying.  I held her.  I was there.  She wasn't just a name or a face.  She was real.  I thought about how precious she is to our Heavenly Father.  I thought about my own children.  How much I loved them and held them and cared for them. I wondered if she would grow up and know the name of Jesus.  I wondered if she would even grow up.  My heart just hurt so miserably.  I was past crying and tears.  There was just a burden and an ache that wouldn't go away. 

I didn't know what to do.

We laid down for bed that night and we couldn't sleep. We just prayed over and over again the same prayer. "God, what can we do?"  "Is there even anything we can do?"

It seemed there was no answer, no solution, no way to help.

So, in an act of desperation.  Because I wanted someone to tell me I wasn't alone.  Because I wanted someone to tell me that there was someone who understood the pain my heart felt.  I posted her picture on facebook, to share with my friends that this little girl without a mommy and daddy, will die, and that makes my heart hurt.

And from the other side of the world someone saw her picture.  Our friends the Carr's read the words and felt God calling them.  In the words of Eva "that's what the message said {if she doesn't get a mommy and daddy she's going to die} plain and simple...and impossible to ignore."

Their story is not our story, but our little boy will forever be a part of their story, of the story HE is writing for all of us.  Their story includes God moving mountains, of them bringing home not only the little girl our heart was burdened for, but her best friend.  Their story IS grace. Read their story here and be amazed at our God!

Many, many thoughts fill my mind and heart about this little girl.

The love our Father has for her.  How He has held her and cared for her in every single detail. In us choosing Caleb, in randomly finding the yahoo group, in finding the director of her home, in finding the caretaker, in arranging for us to meet and see the home, in all the prayers, in getting her paperwork ready at exactly the moment the Carr's were ready for her, and then all the details in the Carr's story.... moving to Iowa, finding a heart specialist, meeting Chinese speaking friends, oh my heart just bursts at all the details.  Every single detail, perfect. A delicate balance, as if any one of the details failed or didn't work, the entire story would be lost.  But our God, He is in the details.  He worked every little thing out for this precious child to have a mommy and daddy.

But, one thought to me stands out.  One thing, I have thought about almost every day for the last six months.

What if that picture never got posted?

While I 100% believe in a sovereign God.  That He knows everything.  Every thought before I think it.  Every person before they are formed.  He knows tomorrow and the next and the next.  There is nothing God doesn't know.  Nothing that surprises Him.  He is all powerful, omnipotent, and perfect.

But, we have free will, and always have a choice. (note, that would be a dad-ism, you have a choice, you always have a choice.)

There is a lesson here for me.  A lesson to be reminded that God can use anyone and anything, no matter how small.  So many times I move through life doing nothing.  I pass the man holding a sign on US-30.  I ignore the people who are looking to me for a friend.  I pass sign up sheets at church for help in the nursery. I spend more money on myself instead of using it to advance God's kingdom. I read articles about kids in foster care. I read articles about how hard it is to be a single mom.  I read about those who will go to bed with no food for dinner.  I think about it, it makes me sad, and then I do nothing.  Mostly, I do nothing though, because anything seems impossible.  I can't be a foster mom, I already have children that I am working through problems with, therefore, I do nothing.  The man holding the sign - I have no cash to give him, therefore I do nothing. On and on it goes.... doing nothing, all because something seems too big and too impossible. 

All along though, it's my heart that Jesus wants.  So whether I am the family adopting a sweet child who needs a mommy and daddy, or I am the family putting a picture of her on facebook.  It's my heart HE is looking at.

Something doesn't have to be big.  It can just be a picture on facebook.  It's God who does any and every good thing.  He just wants my heart, a heart open to something.

No comments:

Post a Comment