I am tired, and no amount of coffee helps.
I've been up, adjusting braces, comforting, trying to help an uncomfortable child. I've been up, getting juice for another one, praying, staring at the ceiling, staring at the mess around me.
I need to schedule an appointment with the dentist. But I have appointments with an ENT, a hand specialist, Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy, the Orthopaedic Specialist, Speech Therapy.... who will watch the kids? How will Kenney get home in time for all of that? How can I possibly fit in the dentist? But, Motrin isn't helping anymore.
And the worry starts to set in.
I am hungry, but the kitchen hangs in a delicate balance of mess, one more thing out of place, one more thing not cleaned, just might cause pure disaster. So, I opt for coffee- again.
With worry already in my heart, the thoughts start to spin.
I need to seed the areas in the yard that we had work done
The garden needs picking
I have paperwork to do
Bills to pay
The dust is so thick Tommy really did write his name on it
I need curriculum for Tommy
things to occupy the others while I work with Tommy
Projects not yet complete in my room
kids need baths
the dog needs a bath
what about a date with my husband
what about time to relax
time for friends
Someone stop me.... and I find my devotional and Bible and sit down to read.
The first words of the devotional
"Trust ME in the midst of a messy day."
The tears start to fall.
" Your Peace in MY presence need not be shaken by what is going on around you. Though you live in this temporal world, your innermost being is rooted and grounded in eternity."
"O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. - Psalm 139:1-4"
The words of a song fill my heart, and I find myself sobbing.
Like the sky before the dawn
While the night is holding on
Sun and moon together in the graySo my soul is shared by two
The worst of me and the best of you
Savior and sinner mingled in my veins
And I pray you’ll end this twilight
I’m torn inside my soul tonight
The dawning day and the dying night
Oh rid my soul of twilight
Good I love, but evil’s doneGood intentions come undone
Good to know I know the one who saves me from myself
Oh Lord paint my heart a solid hue
The shade of you
Oh lord break this dreadful in between inside of me
Oh let it be morning
I know the sun is coming up, oh the sun is coming up, yes the sun is coming up
The kids are stirring, the dogs need to go out, the day needs to get started, and I have become the righteousness of God.
"God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. 2 Corinthians 5:21"
Jesus is mine. My list, my tiredness, my coffee addiction, sometimes- it just doesn't matter. My sin is gone, and I will stand righteous before my Savior.
The sun IS coming up.