The List

Quite often when people find out we adopted, one of the comments I hear is "He is so lucky to have parents like you and finally be home."

I'll tell you, honestly, the comment has never sat well with me. I never know how to respond. I think first, luck has nothing to do with anything. I then think humbly, we are not the greatest parents. Then, a myriad of other thoughts run through my mind. However, the response I usually give is just a smile. I still don't know how to respond. I did however find an interesting exercise a social worker made his pre-adoptive parents go through. I think it helps puts things in a bit of perspective...

First, write down the name of the most significant person in your life.
     1. Kenney

Write down your most important role.
     2. Wife

Now, write down your greatest support group.
     3. Family

Write down your heritage.
     4. American?

Next, write the word "knowledge."  This represents the information that gets you through the everyday tasks of your day.
     5. Knowledge

Then, write down your favorite place.
     6. Home

Now, write down "Cultural Information."  This represents everything you know about your culture.
     7. Cultural Information

Now, write down "Resources."  This represents all your material possessions, everything you own that has worth.
     8. Resources

Next, write down "Values." This represents your faith, concepts of right and wrong, priorities, likes and dislikes...
     9. Values

Last, write down the activity that brings you the most joy.
     10. Spending alone time with Kenney and the kids

Now, which four things on this list could you live without? Mark through them now.

1. Kenney
2. Wife
3. Family
4. American?
5. Knowledge
6. Home
7. Cultural Information
8. Resources
9. Values
10. Spending alone time with Kenney and the kids

Now, give up two more.

1. Kenney
2. Wife
3. Family
4. American?
5. Knowledge
6. Home
7. Cultural Information
8. Resources
9. Values
10. Spending alone time with Kenney and the kids

Now, go ahead and give up two more.

I couldn't.  I couldn't imagine life with any less than this.  To give up my faith, my Kenney, my role as a wife and mother, I just can't.

I teared up a little.  I was surprised at the deep sadness that gripped me.  Beyond empathy.  Beyond compassion. I think it was mourning.

I mourned all that the children I don't yet know will give up to become my children. 

Children go through a loss to get to their forever families. Adoption is about a loss, a loss that is painful and not beautiful. The place where adoption begins is ugly.

The good news is, adoption ends well. Children have mommies and daddies. They have more than their basic needs met. They will have someone to unconditionally love them. 

I know where I was before Christ adopted me. I know these children are in places we can not imagine before someone adopts them. I know it was not easy (and still I struggle) to let go of my old self. I know it won't be easy for my children to forget the pain in their past.  I do know for certain, that Christ alone can heal any and all wounds. I praise God for healing me, and I praise Him for the painful, yet sweet beauty of adopting me. I pray for healing in my children. I pray they know the pain of their past is gone. We love them. We always will. God loves them. He always has.